So only 10 huh?
1. Klaus - Klaus, in a word, is grounded. He is stable and even tempered. He puts up with my crap. He makes me mad because he is so logical sometimes. But I love this man so much! Honestly. He is my other half. I met Klaus when I was 19, and we have been together ever since. We are, dating, engaged, married, friends, parents.... and we are a mean team.
2. Kai - He is part of me. He grew inside me. He completed me as a women. He completed me in a way I did not know I was incomplete. Need I say more?
3. Family - Other than the two above. My sisters and my Mom. They are always there for me. They are the only baby sitters I trust with Kai. My relationship with my Mom can be tense at times, as she has her own strong opinions, and though she says she keeps them to herself, she lets you know what she thinks. I always want to please her somehow, and I know it stems from childhood issues, so I do things the way she wants, and then I resent it. And we argue A LOT. But love each other fiercely.
4. Friends - I have been so bad since Kai was born. I put him first always, as it should be, but often the mommy guilt is so much, that I end up not seeing my friends as often as I want and should! I am working on changing that. A night out with my girls, is just so refreshing. Makes me feel so light.
5. My Faith - I don't go to church, I remember as a child, I was forced to church twice on Sundays and often on a Wednesday. I learnt there that people are fake as hell. Sitting all pretty in church, like angels listening to the sermon, they would then walk out and talk crap bout one another right outside the door, drive home like they own the road, and go and shout and scream at the families. That is not for me.
I do believe in God and I believe I have many guardian angels watching over me. I believe in Heaven and I believe that you will punished for not being a good person.
I believe religion is practiced, in other words, let people see the person you are versus you having to tell them 'oh i go to church and believe in God and here is my bible'. I am NOT taking stabs at any organised religion, and i think it is a personal choice! I have a cousin who is a minister and whom I adore and get along with so well. I just feel its not for me. I had a bad experience, and it has tainted organised religion for me. That is all.
Now comes the material stuff:
6. My laptop / phone / tablet.... EEEEECK I love them all. I am a bit of a samsung fanatic, and have a Samsung S3 phone, a Samsung tablet and a Dell PC. I spend A LOT of time on my phone, less so on my laptop now that I have the tablet. I should do more 'work' but by the time Kai is down and I have organised lunches and school bags for the next day it's 9 o clock and Klaus and I get to hit the couch I end up on my phone or tablet and just read blogs while watching TV and catching up on Series.
7. Gadgets - total gadget girl. I love all kinds of gadgets, and have a million gadgets in my kitchen. Some look pretty and I had to have them, hardly ever use them. But they are there.
8. Craft room - I have a craft room in our house. A room specially for me to work in. The house is old, and we found the original plans. My room is off the dining room, and close to the kitchen. It actually says "work room". And the study/office which is the first room you get when you come in the house, is the Study. It is funny cause I guess back in those days, the men made the money and needed a place to read the paper when they got home from work, and the wife worked in her room, close to the kitchen. :) I love it though, and the fact that it is right there makes sense I can keep an eye on the stove, wrap a present, do a craft, or answer an email :)
9. Internet Shopping! I am an addict, and I have a huge problem. Right its out there. I often buy things from overseas, and get killed by the exchange rate, but hey. I work hard for that. But seriously I have a problem.
10. Money / my job - yep I know. But it is true! I won't have any of the above things (6 - 9), if I did not have a job who paid me a good salary. I don't love my job. I use to. But now I don't. And that is ok. I earn good money. And I don't hate hate hate what I do. Just don't like or love. I can live with this. I get to go home to my family at 4 (previously I use to be at the office till 6 / 7 pm almost every night and work many weekends), going home at 4 means I get to make supper, spend some time with my boys and that is VERY important to me.
There you are.
My list.
xoxo
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
The weekend that was
Mother nature has been amazing to Cape Town! We had the most amazing tempretures for a week now. Even though it's definitely over, as this morning is cold, we had such an amazingly warm weekend.
The K's took full advantage of this. It's so easy to just hibernate on a weekend specially when it's cold, but it is also totally unfair to little K. This weekend mom and dad were on top form though.
On Friday night Kai was in a foul mood. So bad. I almost cancelled on my girl friends AGAIN, because he was not 100%. Hubster convinced me to go and I am so glad I did. I have cancelled on the girls so many times, it feels like every time I want to go out, Kai is sick or in a mood, and I always feel so guilty for leaving a moody child with Klaus. When he is sick obviously I wont even think of going out.
We met at a little restaurant Cafe Chameleon ,very close to where I stay and CC, NM, JK, MZ and I just had a blast. We chatted over shared pizza and Jelapeno poppers, Savanna's and a Cosmo. It was so nice to just chat, we covered everything from 50 shades of grey, and other way more impressive books like Bloom and Pillars of the earth :), moody partners, our little humans, the challenges of motherhood while being a working mom, we chatted about hosting "come dine with me dinners" and laughed for real at each other, with each other, we toasted new houses bought, degrees completed, a upcoming holiday to Euro Disney and London, we simpathized with MZ who is still not pregnant, and hurting. We toasted to her being a great mom to her adorable step son. Honestly my soul my heart and my mind was relaxed, and refreshed. I don't think these girls have a clue how much the night meant to me. And not wanting to be mushy over something so simple I just said thank you, but honestly I felt so good!
The other ladies are more relaxed moms, they have various baby sitters, they seem to have less guilt, or maybe they deal with it better than I do.
Everytime I head out the door without Kai or Klaus at my side (other than going to work) I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong. I should be home with them. I am somehow failing them. Klaus is awesome and he does not make me feel that way. He in fact encourages me to go, and makes the stay with Kai sound easy as pie when I come home. I hate mommy guilt. Totally Totally hate it.
Thank goodness I did go, beside all the other good stuff, but JK reminded me that it was E and J's 2nd birthday party on Saturday morning. I totally forgot and spaced on it. I would have gotten the set reminder on Saturday 15 minutes before the party was due to start. FAIL. (Setting reminders for the day before from now on).
I was very worried about taking Kai to Kids Playzone again. the last time he had a complete meltdown at the door and would not go inside. He does not feel safe or comfortable or something in that environment. He is CRAZY shy. This time though I was aware of him being scared, and I focused on the playing and put on my best "oh my word look Kai" voice. He went in, would not play on anything, and clung to us like glue. We sat outside to have coffee and he warmed up and even shared a ice cream with JK's little human.
We got home at around 1 and he passed out for a nice long nap. We played outside after his nap, and he totally started cleaning the pool by himself, till we had to call dad to come help.
.jpg)
Tooooo Cute!
Later on Saturday evening my Mom pop around and she has decided he needs to try on some undies! We laughed, we joked, and we blew Tons of bubbles:
Kai had found the powder:
After operation clean the powder (I was not too mad, since I read on pinterest it is good for the wood floors, and helps to reduce the creaking. Our floors are 60 years old. These is creaking. There is less now.... I might hand the powder over to Kai more often).
We went to the plastic shop quick, to pick up some things we need. And some things for Kai which he totally did not need. But loves. A lap craft table thingy: Kiddo can sit on the floor and the tray fits over his legs. Can be used for ANYTHING from drawing playing play dough and even playing on the I pad.
He also got some Play dough and other play dough supplies.
A felt board with some themed goodies. Animals, My body, fruit and veggies, and the weather.
After the plastic shop we visited our local garden shop Stodels. They have some animals there which the kiddos can feed. It was great. As usual Kai was very apprehensive at first and did the clingy thing, and then when he saw the BUNNIES, he got so interested, he just wanted to get close, and after that he was running around. Pointing at all the animals and shouting their names: "horse" (Shetland Pony)...but close enough, the Lama, the chickens and ducks. The goats are horses as well. Just in case you were not sure :)
We did not buy any of the bags of food for the animals, as we were not sure how he would handle it. There was one Mom, who was standing next to us while Kai looked at the Pony feeding it with her child, and she turned to Kai and said here you go, feed him. KAI TOOK THE FOOD FROM A STRANGER! AND fed the Pony! I was so shocked. Kai runs tail between his legs when strangers even look at him. He is really beyond shy. And he is generally pretty cautious of animals! WIN WIN WIN TOTALLY WIN!
Had a great weekend! Felt blessed to be with my two boys.
Enjoyed it, feel light and happy today!
The K's took full advantage of this. It's so easy to just hibernate on a weekend specially when it's cold, but it is also totally unfair to little K. This weekend mom and dad were on top form though.
On Friday night Kai was in a foul mood. So bad. I almost cancelled on my girl friends AGAIN, because he was not 100%. Hubster convinced me to go and I am so glad I did. I have cancelled on the girls so many times, it feels like every time I want to go out, Kai is sick or in a mood, and I always feel so guilty for leaving a moody child with Klaus. When he is sick obviously I wont even think of going out.
We met at a little restaurant Cafe Chameleon ,very close to where I stay and CC, NM, JK, MZ and I just had a blast. We chatted over shared pizza and Jelapeno poppers, Savanna's and a Cosmo. It was so nice to just chat, we covered everything from 50 shades of grey, and other way more impressive books like Bloom and Pillars of the earth :), moody partners, our little humans, the challenges of motherhood while being a working mom, we chatted about hosting "come dine with me dinners" and laughed for real at each other, with each other, we toasted new houses bought, degrees completed, a upcoming holiday to Euro Disney and London, we simpathized with MZ who is still not pregnant, and hurting. We toasted to her being a great mom to her adorable step son. Honestly my soul my heart and my mind was relaxed, and refreshed. I don't think these girls have a clue how much the night meant to me. And not wanting to be mushy over something so simple I just said thank you, but honestly I felt so good!
The other ladies are more relaxed moms, they have various baby sitters, they seem to have less guilt, or maybe they deal with it better than I do.
Everytime I head out the door without Kai or Klaus at my side (other than going to work) I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong. I should be home with them. I am somehow failing them. Klaus is awesome and he does not make me feel that way. He in fact encourages me to go, and makes the stay with Kai sound easy as pie when I come home. I hate mommy guilt. Totally Totally hate it.
Thank goodness I did go, beside all the other good stuff, but JK reminded me that it was E and J's 2nd birthday party on Saturday morning. I totally forgot and spaced on it. I would have gotten the set reminder on Saturday 15 minutes before the party was due to start. FAIL. (Setting reminders for the day before from now on).
I was very worried about taking Kai to Kids Playzone again. the last time he had a complete meltdown at the door and would not go inside. He does not feel safe or comfortable or something in that environment. He is CRAZY shy. This time though I was aware of him being scared, and I focused on the playing and put on my best "oh my word look Kai" voice. He went in, would not play on anything, and clung to us like glue. We sat outside to have coffee and he warmed up and even shared a ice cream with JK's little human.
We got home at around 1 and he passed out for a nice long nap. We played outside after his nap, and he totally started cleaning the pool by himself, till we had to call dad to come help.
.jpg)
Tooooo Cute!
Later on Saturday evening my Mom pop around and she has decided he needs to try on some undies! We laughed, we joked, and we blew Tons of bubbles:
On Sunday we had another absolutely glorious day and we had to get out. While Klaus and I were busy getting ready I found these little footprints in the passage after investigating a rather long silence:
After operation clean the powder (I was not too mad, since I read on pinterest it is good for the wood floors, and helps to reduce the creaking. Our floors are 60 years old. These is creaking. There is less now.... I might hand the powder over to Kai more often).
We went to the plastic shop quick, to pick up some things we need. And some things for Kai which he totally did not need. But loves. A lap craft table thingy: Kiddo can sit on the floor and the tray fits over his legs. Can be used for ANYTHING from drawing playing play dough and even playing on the I pad.
He also got some Play dough and other play dough supplies.
A felt board with some themed goodies. Animals, My body, fruit and veggies, and the weather.
After the plastic shop we visited our local garden shop Stodels. They have some animals there which the kiddos can feed. It was great. As usual Kai was very apprehensive at first and did the clingy thing, and then when he saw the BUNNIES, he got so interested, he just wanted to get close, and after that he was running around. Pointing at all the animals and shouting their names: "horse" (Shetland Pony)...but close enough, the Lama, the chickens and ducks. The goats are horses as well. Just in case you were not sure :)
After the animals we had some MacDonalds take out (Once a month treat for Kai), and Kai slept for a good 2 hours. Totally pooped!
More time spent outside after he woke up. He insisted on cleaning the pool AGAIN. Loves the water, but only when he can control it. Does not like being in the Pool.
Had a great weekend! Felt blessed to be with my two boys.
Enjoyed it, feel light and happy today!
SBFL - 5 August 2013
Another SBFL - Iris is the brain child and I like reviewing my week and recognizing these 4 things which I love ... nice idea Iris.
S: We are young by FUN
Totally corny but LOVE this song:
Give me a second I
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
Getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she's waiting for me
Just across the bar
My seats been taken by some sunglasses
Asking 'bout a scar
And I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies
You know I'm trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home
[Hook x2]
Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
And I know that I'm not
All that you got
I guess that I
I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a toast
Cause I found someone to carry me home
[Hook x2]
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home
[Hook x2]
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
Getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she's waiting for me
Just across the bar
My seats been taken by some sunglasses
Asking 'bout a scar
And I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies
You know I'm trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home
[Hook x2]
Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
And I know that I'm not
All that you got
I guess that I
I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a toast
Cause I found someone to carry me home
[Hook x2]
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
Carry me home tonight
Just carry me home tonight
The moon is on my side
I have no reason to run
So will someone come and carry me home tonight
The angels never arrived
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home
[Hook x2]
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight
B: Currently reading the KGI series by Maya Banks:
F: Dirty Dancing ...
surely it needs no explanation. And yes I did go see the musical when it was on in Cape Town. Yes I loved it, and yes I got all teary eyed at the end!
L: Macaroon Stationary!
They are the bestest Everest. I am in love with their stuff and have been for so long. I have ordered SO many personalized gifts for friends from them. Check them out here:
www.macaroon.co
Friday, August 2, 2013
Kai is turning two
Kai will be turning 2 on the 11th of August.
I started thinking about his party around May (I plan ... ahead ... way ahead ... ), what we will do, what the budget will be, what the theme might be .... I looked back on last years budget and realized we spent a whopping R5000.00 on his first birthday party.
(Could have bought us a year of school, anyway).
Around the same time my social media pages got flooded with sick kids, people losing babies, babies being born with all sorts of diseases and illnesses. I looked at what I spent on his first birthday, I looked at what I might spend on his second and I just got flooded with so much sadness and guilt!
How can we spend so much money on trivial things when there are so many people who have so little? While we are so blessed! We have a healthy normal kid. Of course we have had the bouts of flu, the chest infections, the tummy bug from hell at 8 months, but none of that is life threatening, none of that can not be treated with lots of love care, and a good doctor to give us the right meds.
SO many people don't have access to good health care. Life in gang infested areas where bullets fly around like we blow bubbles at home. Almost daily I hear on the news to and from work of shootings, kids who have been killed by stray bullets.
I phoned the The Red Cross Children hospital and spoke to one of their public liason officers there. She told me how many moms drop their sick kids off at the hospital, and then can not visit them again for a week or more. They just don't have money for travelling. They do not get off work, and even if they did they can not afford to take the time off, because they need to feed their other kids.
Its all heart wrenching and so sad. I can not stand it.
So Klaus and I spoke and decided this year, we are counting our blessings and in honour of Kai we are not doing a party. We will donate some cash to the Red Cross and we asked our friends and family to instead of wrapping a gift for Kai, make up a parcel for Red Cross. Something to keep the kiddies occupied during their stays.
I feel honoured and blessed. I feel so fortunate to be able to do this very small thing.
Thank you God for the many blessings, the countless chances to be a better person. And for my health and that of my amazing family!
I started thinking about his party around May (I plan ... ahead ... way ahead ... ), what we will do, what the budget will be, what the theme might be .... I looked back on last years budget and realized we spent a whopping R5000.00 on his first birthday party.
(Could have bought us a year of school, anyway).
Around the same time my social media pages got flooded with sick kids, people losing babies, babies being born with all sorts of diseases and illnesses. I looked at what I spent on his first birthday, I looked at what I might spend on his second and I just got flooded with so much sadness and guilt!
How can we spend so much money on trivial things when there are so many people who have so little? While we are so blessed! We have a healthy normal kid. Of course we have had the bouts of flu, the chest infections, the tummy bug from hell at 8 months, but none of that is life threatening, none of that can not be treated with lots of love care, and a good doctor to give us the right meds.
SO many people don't have access to good health care. Life in gang infested areas where bullets fly around like we blow bubbles at home. Almost daily I hear on the news to and from work of shootings, kids who have been killed by stray bullets.
I phoned the The Red Cross Children hospital and spoke to one of their public liason officers there. She told me how many moms drop their sick kids off at the hospital, and then can not visit them again for a week or more. They just don't have money for travelling. They do not get off work, and even if they did they can not afford to take the time off, because they need to feed their other kids.
Its all heart wrenching and so sad. I can not stand it.
So Klaus and I spoke and decided this year, we are counting our blessings and in honour of Kai we are not doing a party. We will donate some cash to the Red Cross and we asked our friends and family to instead of wrapping a gift for Kai, make up a parcel for Red Cross. Something to keep the kiddies occupied during their stays.
I feel honoured and blessed. I feel so fortunate to be able to do this very small thing.
Thank you God for the many blessings, the countless chances to be a better person. And for my health and that of my amazing family!
If I could have one superpower - 52 weeks of Bloggin with a purpose
My superpower:
As a Mom I have already developed the "stop, I know what you thinking and what you about to do" instinct. Also I can "see" things happening when I am not even in the room.
And my all time favourite, shower schizophrenia, every time I step into the shower I hear Kai crying / shouting?!? What is up with that you think? So I rush to get done, only to find him happily being naughty somewhere!
Now if I can go above and beyond that, and get one more power, I would want to be able to duplicate myself. So I can be at work and at home and doing the cooking and shopping and everything else a mom needs to get done all at the same time.
Or maybe just grow an extra arm or three.... Yeah that would work too.
Trying to stir the food on the stove, while trying to prevent Kai from spilling something, while trying to turn the oven on, and the tap (faucet) at the basin .... all at the same time. Yep need more arms. How do moms do it with more than one little human?
Ok then for good measure I would also not mind the power to heal all the sick people. The super power to eat what ever I want and not pick up weight and somehow, legally produce mountains of cash without having to work!
That's it for today!
As a Mom I have already developed the "stop, I know what you thinking and what you about to do" instinct. Also I can "see" things happening when I am not even in the room.
And my all time favourite, shower schizophrenia, every time I step into the shower I hear Kai crying / shouting?!? What is up with that you think? So I rush to get done, only to find him happily being naughty somewhere!
Now if I can go above and beyond that, and get one more power, I would want to be able to duplicate myself. So I can be at work and at home and doing the cooking and shopping and everything else a mom needs to get done all at the same time.
Or maybe just grow an extra arm or three.... Yeah that would work too.
Trying to stir the food on the stove, while trying to prevent Kai from spilling something, while trying to turn the oven on, and the tap (faucet) at the basin .... all at the same time. Yep need more arms. How do moms do it with more than one little human?
Ok then for good measure I would also not mind the power to heal all the sick people. The super power to eat what ever I want and not pick up weight and somehow, legally produce mountains of cash without having to work!
That's it for today!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
52 Weeks of Blogging with a purpose
One very important thing to know about me is I hate rules. I don't like following rules. I am most definitely a rebel. Always have been. But I am strangely responsible at the same time.
That said, I am going to do the Blogging with Purpose thing. But I am not following the weeks, I am gonna do the one that I feel like writing about when I feel like writing bout it.
I have saved all the topics as drafts, and I will do them as I feel.
Sorry to the lady who started this, hope I am not messing with your idea, and I hope I am not creating some bad blog mojo over here.
I think that the 52 week challenge is a great thing, a awesome way to give me some direction, but I am behind already, and like I said, rules and Kammi don't mix so great.
I have to follow so many rules just to not be arrested or fired, not gonna follow those rules here :) Boooya! My space.
I was a really good wifey last night. Got home and made supper for tonight. Kai was happily playing in the kitchen all around me. I managed to pack away dishes, make supper for tonight, sit down for a family meal (MIL Cooked... story for a different day) and all without one tantrum, one shouting match! WIN!
Kai: Gotta put this little gem up here for today: He was so sleepy and so happy last night. Had the best eve with my boys. Kai was so good. Angel! Oh long may it last.
Blogging with Purpose
Been really thinking of what to blog about. I mean who wants to see my boring mommy life in action? There are some things I will obvs capture here for me to remember, but the normal day to day stuff.. nah, boring.
I have seen some of the bloggers I follow doing 52 weeks of blogging with purpose, and though I have to look into it more, I found this really cool one from last week.
"If I could turn back the clock"
Got me thinking:
1. I would have had my boy a bit earlier. Having Kai at 32, has made the choice to have another much harder. And we have pretty much now decided that one is enough for us. And I am happy with that, I guess though that I always wanted a big family (after I got over the - I will NEVER have kids bit), but decided oh it can wait a bit more .... no next year ... no next .... and then Kai. Now a second one, just feels like I will be to old. It will be to hectic ... Mmmm maybe I need to give it some more thought. Ahmen
2. I have always been "big built" never a small dainty little thing. But when I was 19/20 I lost a lot of weight. Not because I was dieting and stuff, I was partying. Hard. I wish now though that instead of getting back to "normal" life, I would have made healthier choices and not picked up so much weight.
3. I wish I finished my degree. I should not have given up, regardless of the crap that went on in my life at the time. I really wish so much I finished. Cared more. Understood more. Saw a bit further into the future.
4. I wish instead of going straight to college after school, I travelled first. Maybe number 3 above would have been easier if I was more mature, and I would have dealt with things differently.
5. I would NEVER have picked up that cigarette at Claire's 28th birthday. After being smoke free for 5 years, I did it, and now 5 years later I feel horrible and still struggling to quit. Blegh!
6. We should have stayed in house 1 longer, and moved straight to house 3. Wasted too much money on house 2 where we only stayed for 3 years. But we live and we learn.
7. Sadly there were many "friends" I cared too much for. Gave to much of myself too. And I got hurt in return. Wish I never did that. Wish I did not get so involved in my friends lives. Wish I did not always feel the need to fix everything for everyone, to my own detriment. I need to learn, even now, to look out for me more. For me and Klaus and Kai.
8. I wish every day that I can have one more lucid day with my Granny. She was the bomb, she lived with us and so I often took her for granted. She was as much my mom as my mom was. Sometimes more so. I took a lot for granted when she was alive. I wish I wrote down her recipes which she cooked from memory. I wish I spent more time with her. .... When the Altzheimers really got her, I could not stand it and stayed away a lot. When she died, I did not even feel all that sad, cause I had said goodbye to her 3 years before. But now, now I wish for one more lucid day.
That is it, none of these things would change the outcome of who I am today. just made my life a little less hectic. I wont change anything big, nothing that would change where I am in my life today.
Its good,
Its hard,
Its amazing,
Sometimes I want to run away and hide for a bit,
Mostly I would not be anywhere else than with the people I share my life with everyday.
I have seen some of the bloggers I follow doing 52 weeks of blogging with purpose, and though I have to look into it more, I found this really cool one from last week.
"If I could turn back the clock"
Got me thinking:
1. I would have had my boy a bit earlier. Having Kai at 32, has made the choice to have another much harder. And we have pretty much now decided that one is enough for us. And I am happy with that, I guess though that I always wanted a big family (after I got over the - I will NEVER have kids bit), but decided oh it can wait a bit more .... no next year ... no next .... and then Kai. Now a second one, just feels like I will be to old. It will be to hectic ... Mmmm maybe I need to give it some more thought. Ahmen
2. I have always been "big built" never a small dainty little thing. But when I was 19/20 I lost a lot of weight. Not because I was dieting and stuff, I was partying. Hard. I wish now though that instead of getting back to "normal" life, I would have made healthier choices and not picked up so much weight.
3. I wish I finished my degree. I should not have given up, regardless of the crap that went on in my life at the time. I really wish so much I finished. Cared more. Understood more. Saw a bit further into the future.
4. I wish instead of going straight to college after school, I travelled first. Maybe number 3 above would have been easier if I was more mature, and I would have dealt with things differently.
5. I would NEVER have picked up that cigarette at Claire's 28th birthday. After being smoke free for 5 years, I did it, and now 5 years later I feel horrible and still struggling to quit. Blegh!
6. We should have stayed in house 1 longer, and moved straight to house 3. Wasted too much money on house 2 where we only stayed for 3 years. But we live and we learn.
7. Sadly there were many "friends" I cared too much for. Gave to much of myself too. And I got hurt in return. Wish I never did that. Wish I did not get so involved in my friends lives. Wish I did not always feel the need to fix everything for everyone, to my own detriment. I need to learn, even now, to look out for me more. For me and Klaus and Kai.
8. I wish every day that I can have one more lucid day with my Granny. She was the bomb, she lived with us and so I often took her for granted. She was as much my mom as my mom was. Sometimes more so. I took a lot for granted when she was alive. I wish I wrote down her recipes which she cooked from memory. I wish I spent more time with her. .... When the Altzheimers really got her, I could not stand it and stayed away a lot. When she died, I did not even feel all that sad, cause I had said goodbye to her 3 years before. But now, now I wish for one more lucid day.
That is it, none of these things would change the outcome of who I am today. just made my life a little less hectic. I wont change anything big, nothing that would change where I am in my life today.
Its good,
Its hard,
Its amazing,
Sometimes I want to run away and hide for a bit,
Mostly I would not be anywhere else than with the people I share my life with everyday.
Monday, July 29, 2013
SBFL
Iris the cute frenchi over at the colored married life does a weekly SONG BOOK FILM LOVE over on her blog http://matthewandiris.blogspot.com/ ...
So this week:
S: Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson - Oldie, but its been on the radio a a lot and I love it.
B: Robert Pattinson - Womens murder club the 6th target
F: Zambezia - Yep Kiddie movie, what you gonna do, I am a mom and the movie's main character's name is KAI! the guy in the sky
L: My boy!
So this week:
S: Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson - Oldie, but its been on the radio a a lot and I love it.
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .
As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)
I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?
A Widow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .
As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)
I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?
A Widow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh
Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While
You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your
Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your
Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . .
Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That
Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Better Change!)
You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)
Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change,
Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get
That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.
B: Robert Pattinson - Womens murder club the 6th target
F: Zambezia - Yep Kiddie movie, what you gonna do, I am a mom and the movie's main character's name is KAI! the guy in the sky
L: My boy!
where do I start?
I am not sure where to start. I am bit obsessive compulsive, anal if you will.
Like when I find a pen I like, I have to have it in every colour. When I write notes at work in my book and it looks ugly because I was in a rush, I will tear out the entire page and rewrite the notes... you know just your avarage run of the mill weirdo.
I go through phases, like my recent crafting phase, I have to have everything, the glues, the paints, the stickies the laminator a new printer, a label maker .... this came straight after my baking phase, I have every bloody baking gadget known to man....used each one maybe once.
So with that said I find it hard to figure out where to start on this. My OCD self says at the beginning, but my rational self says, it will come. Relax.
i feel like i should start with the important stuff, where i live, where i was born, to whom. growing up, meeting the man, getting married, buying houses, selling them, having a human.....i am sure it will come, maybe when i am more ready to actually write it down, maybe I am not ready to put all that out there.
I read blogs and realize wow there are really good writers out there. One of my favorites right now is http://littleandbunny.blogspot.com/ and her blog post today was bloody phenominal! I loved it, it was in a word, stunning.
Kai went down pretty easily tonight, normally that means a ruff night. the nights we struggle the most to get him down, he sleeps better. go figure.
Random ramblings, i am sure it will get more structured as i go along
Like when I find a pen I like, I have to have it in every colour. When I write notes at work in my book and it looks ugly because I was in a rush, I will tear out the entire page and rewrite the notes... you know just your avarage run of the mill weirdo.
I go through phases, like my recent crafting phase, I have to have everything, the glues, the paints, the stickies the laminator a new printer, a label maker .... this came straight after my baking phase, I have every bloody baking gadget known to man....used each one maybe once.
So with that said I find it hard to figure out where to start on this. My OCD self says at the beginning, but my rational self says, it will come. Relax.
i feel like i should start with the important stuff, where i live, where i was born, to whom. growing up, meeting the man, getting married, buying houses, selling them, having a human.....i am sure it will come, maybe when i am more ready to actually write it down, maybe I am not ready to put all that out there.
I read blogs and realize wow there are really good writers out there. One of my favorites right now is http://littleandbunny.blogspot.com/ and her blog post today was bloody phenominal! I loved it, it was in a word, stunning.
Kai went down pretty easily tonight, normally that means a ruff night. the nights we struggle the most to get him down, he sleeps better. go figure.
Random ramblings, i am sure it will get more structured as i go along
Thursday, July 25, 2013
I want to do this! For Real
I have been reading many blogs, for a while.
I love reading blogs, seeing how the other half lives. Sometimes it makes me a bit jelous.....the stay at home mommies, who have time to blog daily, have pretty organised houses. The people who live in countries not being wrecked by crime. The pictures of no-burglar barred windows. The creative mommies, who make home made treats, and have time to pin all their ideas.
And here I am. Just hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Barely making it. Working a job I hate. Figuring out how to budget my way around a new, very much more expensive bond. My internet shopping addiction. My love for pretty, totally unnecessary gadgets. My dream of being a stay at home mommy. Spending time with my 2 year old. Having a happy marriage. Yes or no to a second human? Traffic. Prettying up the new house. Trying to DIY my way around. And I figure, I am not perfect. I am not a stay at home mommy, I don't have all my ducks in a row. But dammit I can blog. I can but my thoughts my frustrations and possibly even my dreams out there. Instead of journaling them, instead of writing them in a book I can do it here.
If no one reads it, its ok, they would not have read the book anyway.
So what are my dreams? What do I really want? What irritates me?
Well to start with, the fact that I can not keep writing this right now, and have to work ... more on that later.
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