Am I ready to leave ?

So things here in my beloved country is bad. So So Bad.  There are people who cling to the hope that things will turn around.  There are people who write long blog posts about why we should stay.  Stay, else it will all fall apart.  Well Mr B and I have just realized for the sake of our child, we need to look at possibilities.  There was a blog post recently where a lady wrote about why you should stay for your child.  You should let them be children here and so on. They must learn to look after their fellow man.  But you see thing is, and this is a post for another day, but here in South Africa fellow man means black only, no one is looking after the white people and children.  That is scary, because what will become of child?  Will he have a future? Will he get into a varisty?  Probably not.  Face facts, Face reality. 

Mr B and I keep saying to ourselves and the 2 or 3 friends we have shared the fact that we are looking with, that we are just looking to see what is out there, to see if there is a possible future for us somewhere else.  In my heart though.  I know.  I have checked out. I am ready to go. I am ready to leave for Kai.  Am I ready to leave my awesome large family home?  My dream House?  Am I ready to have a conversation with my mom, where I will turn her world upside down!?  Am I ready to tell my sister, I am taking her godchild, whom she ADORES away from her? Am I ready to go live in a country foreign to me, foreign to my soul, where I know no-one?  Am I ready to face the fact that when we go, and anything happens to myself or Mr B, child will have no family to fall back on.  He will probably be shipped back here?  No. The answer is a loud, capital letter HELL NO.  

Reality is that staying is as scary as leaving. The longer we wait, the less our money is worth.  The more the house market plummets and the less we will get for our house. The longer we wait the older we get.  The older Child gets.  The longer we wait the harder the transition will be, for him, for school, for us. 

So my prayer my mantra my focus for my family right now is this:

*Universe, take the wheel.  Steer and guide us to where we need to be.  I know what ever happens, where ever we end up, will be right and perfect. 

I am trying to say this mantra to myself, every time I think of a new fear, both of staying and of going... when I say it, I feel a sense of calm wash over me.  I have faith.  Mr B and I have always, always believed in the universe, in fate.  In the fact that there is a upper hand steering our lives, in the right direction at the right time for the right reason. 


My two biggest stresses in all of this:  
1. My Mom.  Once a long time ago I said to her, well I we decide to go overseas you will just have to come with.  She said, no way I am to old to start over.  I get it. So where does that leave us.  You must understand that she is insanely attached to Child.  Obsessed.  More than any normal gran.  #trustme
2. If all works out, and we end up in the far far away, what if something happens to myself or Mr B.  Who will look after Child?  We have two sets of friends in the country we are looking at currently.  So he will be safely shipped back here to my sister.  His godmother.  But But But


So here we go.  I am holding on tight.  I am closing my eyes and squeezing them shut for most of this, and just doing what we need to go be informed and hoping that it all works out. 

Overandout
Mrs K